The standard you didn't know you had

You don't have to set a standard to have one. You already have one.

I was talking to a guy a few months back who was frustrated. Felt like he wasn't leading well at work, wasn't showing up at home the way he wanted to. He'd tried new habits, new morning routines, the whole thing. Nothing stuck.

When I pushed him on it, what came out was this: he didn't actually believe he was a good leader. Hadn't for a while. He thought he'd hidden it, but it was running everything. The way he avoided hard conversations with his staff. The way he'd get defensive when challenged. All of it made sense once you knew what was underneath it.

He had a standard. It was just attached to a wrong identity.

This builds off of what we talked about last week on understanding your identity. About believing you are the kind of man who does the things you know you need to do. The standards you have come from whatever you actually believe about yourself - not what you want to believe, what you actually believe. And if that belief is off, everything built on top of it is off too.

“I’m a bad leader” has a standard it must follow.
“I’m a checked out dad” has a standard it must follow.
“I’m an intentional husband” has a standard it must follow.

You can’t consistently live the standard - especially under pressure - of a good leader or present parent if you don’t think you are one. You can’t be who you don’t believe you are.

I see this with men all the time. They're grinding away trying to build better habits and they can't figure out why nothing changes. The habits aren't the problem. The identity underneath them is producing a standard that the habits can't overcome.

You want different results, you have to look at what you actually believe about yourself in that area first. Not what you wish you believed. What you actually do when nobody's around. And then be honest about the standard that identity requires of you.

The Challenge

Where are you most frustrated with your results right now?

Don't look at the habits. Look underneath them. What do you actually believe about yourself in that area? That belief has a standard attached to it. Find the belief and you'll find why the results keep coming out the same.

Live above the line.

For you,
Kevin

Thanks for reading this. Share it with anybody you think would find it useful. And as a reminder, NO DRIFT is not mine it is ours. I want to know what you think, what you want to hear about, what you are learning. All feedback is welcomed.